As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
