So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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