I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
