So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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