if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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