I think i peed on brittanys purse
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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