u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
