dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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