you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
