did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
