I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
