You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
