So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
