Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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