You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
