You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
