thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
