Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
