Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize