I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
