my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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