my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
