He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize