What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
