then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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