eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
