she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize