you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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