I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
