I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
