yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
