Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize