I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
