Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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