The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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