I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
there is puke in my bra ... again
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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