I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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