history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
