My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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