She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
