I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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