Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
