Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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