cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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