Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
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Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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