Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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