Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
