The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
