Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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