then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
