he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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