When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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