the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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