oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
