I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
