He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I need a burrito and a hug.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
