come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
