how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
