Sry I called you an 8
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
