you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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