Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
