The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
