Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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