After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
