Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
