I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
