I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
