you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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