My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
