i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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