new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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