my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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