I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
